“What do you do?”

Four words that begin many introductions and variations of small talk. Four words that quickly attempt to describe our identity in the world.

Most people default to their profession or vocation. They start with their “work” in the world.

It’s easy to start there. It’s simple and expected. Sharing our work gives people common ground to stand on and relate to. Common vocabulary to break the awkward ice of silence.

Few people take time to acknowledge and respect their integrity with that question. To answer it honestly.

What do I do??

Well… here’s the shortest version I can give you without writing a book on the topic –

  • I invest in myself, every day.
  • I guide two awesome children named Everest and Sepia.
  • I support my amazing wife, Gabrielle, and look for ways to experience life together.
  • I pursue an active lifestyle that prioritizes exercise, sport, hiking and time in outside.
  • I read, listen, write and podcast to fuel my creativity.
  • I consider nature to be my primary mentor, and subsequently, I invest A LOT of time in nature.
  • I make all kinds of things – art, memorabilia, wooden furniture, etc.
  • I love to travel and experience new adventures, cultures and environments.
  • I engage in communities and social groups that inspire me, teach me, and align with my values.
  • I partner with people to collaborate on projects I believe in.
  • I design retreats and self discovery programs.
  • I develop digital learning experiences for coaches, communities and thought leaders.
  • I build businesses that support my lifestyle design.

Notice how the LAST thing I mentioned had reference to “business?”

That’s because business powers everything above. My “business” work is not my identity. It’s not my means of value or wealth. It’s just another form of work.

And guess what? All the things above my businesses often require way more work than most of the business things I do.

For example –

Investing in myself is daily is ongoing work.

I begin every day in silence. I do light breath-work and reading to start the day. Then I go outside and touch the earth to ground into my true “home” (our planet). Throughout the day I’m paying attention to how I feel, think and move.

I’m generally practicing self inquiry or learning something about myself every day. Sometimes it’s small and subtle, other times it’s like opening a big box of Ali wisdom. My daily investment in myself is a continuous exercise to become more aware, alive and present.

That’s the priority and the real work.

Guiding young children is massive amounts of work.

Conscious parenting is WAY harder than any job or professional responsibility. Being fully present at home? Providing for little human beings? Responding thoughtfully to first-time curiosity?

I consider my role in my children’s lives as a “guide,” yet them seem to teach and guide me more every day. They’re not constantly learning from me. We’re learning together.

I see them, they see me. I hear them, they hear me. I feel them, they feel me. Most days include a beautiful test of emotional intelligence and resilience. Most days feel like a rollercoaster of fun, frustration, love and pain.

Being a father is real work.

Supporting my life partner is hard work.

My wife and I choose to do life together. We navigate highs and lows every week. I hold space for her and then she holds space for me. We do the dance of life, together, even when it’s hard.

I used to think my role as a partner was to make my wife better. I used to project and dish out prescriptions like I had all the answers. I used to think it was my role to always lead.

Now I’m very clear that my role is to support her. To see her. To help her realize her best self, not an illusion of mine. Now we lead together.

Being in a conscious relationship is real work.

Pursuing an active lifestyle is lots of work.

I create time for exercise and movement every single day. From walks and runs to cardio workouts to climbing 14,000 foot mountains in Colorado. I also hike a lot and look for ways to share the natural world with others.

It would be easy to not do these things since they require a lot of time and work. It would be easier to take a day off and get a little more work done in my businesses. It would be easier to neglect nature and stay inside where it’s nice and comfortable.

But I’ve come to realize that “easy” usually leads to the harder life. Easy leads to an unhealthier version of me. I’m just better when I’m outside and moving.

Creating time for a healthier me is real work.

I could go on but I think you get the point.

My real work is a reflection of everything I prioritize, which builds a dynamic identity. One far more than a dude who creates software businesses. A real identity encompasses all the things I invest time into, care about and love.

A real identity reflects the real work.

Now to be clear, I’m not discounting our work in the world of business. That work is important as well. It’s how we survive and provide. It’s how we create impact and change. It’s a part of our identity.

Keep doing your business.

Keep the work that provides for your family. Do the work that creates an impact. Continue sharing the work that’s making a change in the world.

However…

Don’t make business the only work you share.

It’s easy to hide behind our job or successful business. It’s harder to step out and show everyone who we really are. What we really do.

So next time someone asks, “So, what do you do?” I invite you to expand your response into something that honors what you really do.

  • Share what you actually prioritize and invest time into.
  • Connect to what you really care about and love.
  • Shine light on the things that reveal the real work.

Expand your identity.

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Ali Jafarian

Ali is a creator, seeker and explorer who's energized by guiding people to their truth. He's a family man, entrepreneur, conscious technologist, podcast host and many other things that inspire him to stay curious and learn. He's a strong advocate for nature, adventure, self discovery and testing human capacity.